“We were told that the leader’s heart is pure and holy.”
This is another post that I wish I did not have to write.
I feel anxiety in my heart as I put words to this.
But here it is…
I have watched as egregious abuse at a prominent religious organization has come to light – spiritual, sexual, emotional, physical.
I once attended a conference led by this organization.
I benefited from their vision and example.
I loved their music.
Now I am grieving deeply.
The founder of the organization was a man deeply respected as a dedicated Christian.
This is my faith tradition as well.
As the abuse began to come to light, I watched as people responded with gaslighting and denial.
We were told that the man is childlike and maybe just a little bit naïve.
That he is certainly just a little bit eccentric.
Whistle-blowers were told that their minds are in the gutters to even think this was abuse.
That the leader’s heart is pure.
That the whistle-blowers were the only ones sexualizing what was godly.
And this is what I want you to hear…
This talking-away of the abuse, it is infantilization of the man.
It is wrong.
The actions this man did were not pure.
He is not holy.
He was not naïve.
His actions were not childlike.
Every indication shows that this man premeditated his abuse.
And he continued to abuse young women for decades.
He is a grandfather, and there is every indication that he continues to abuse young women to this day.
And here is my plea…
If friends, family, co-workers, or others share concern with you about someone’s behavior, take them seriously.
Listen well.
Do not gaslight them.
Try not to be defensive or protective of someone you perhaps respect deeply.
Resist explaining away the concerning behavior.
Don’t infantilize the accused.
Encourage the whistle-blower to bring the concern to leadership.
If a crime has been committed, bring the concern to the police.
Now that I have seen the language of infantilization, I see it often.
Infantilization helps no one.
Let’s break this pattern.
About: Jenny Switkes is the founder of Enhearten Unseen Leaders. She is a professor of mathematics at California State Polytechnic University, Pomona, where she has the joy of mentoring many first-generation college students from diverse backgrounds. She also serves as a volunteer pastor at Rise OC Church in Costa Mesa, California.
Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash